Where does one turn when hope has died? When faith has abandoned you?
What is there to do when what you have believed in all your life is gone? For years I knew what I believed in, what I stood for. I have given up jobs because they went against what I knew was right. I have ended relationships because I believed in something bigger than my happiness. I have ended friendships because I was asked to make a choice. I don’t claim to be a saint, over even a good man. Through the years I have failed more than I have ever succeeded. I fall short every day. Still, I always knew in my heart what was right. Now, after years of trying, I am not sure I know anymore. Where do I turn now? Where does one go when everything they have lived their lives believing in makes no sense anymore? Were all of these years a waste of time? I used to know, with all my heart, how things would end. I used to know that in the end everything would work out the way it was supposed to, right would win, evil would be locked away and all would be as it should be, not that I would make it to Heaven, but still, it was how it was supposed to be. Now, I am not sure which side will win. I am not even sure if there are sides. In the end, if there is an end, will either side have won? I would end my life now if it were not for a very small part of me. A part that holds on, however loosely, however shakily, to the dying hope that my faith was not misplaced. The hope that it will all be alright. I know it won’t be alright for me, my day has come and gone. I will live out my time, however short or long, and pray that you, whoever you may be, will not lose faith as I have done.
**if anyone has an answer I am listening**