Faraway Eyes

19.  A Broken Chair- B/W

Image by Jinx! via Flickr

Faraway Eyes

You look at me with faraway eyes.
It hurts me to look at you.
Does it hurt you to look back?

What do you think?
What do you feel?

You sit next to me,
comfortable in a broken chair.
Your legs are pulled up tight.
I catch you looking at me
from the corner of my eye.
(or am I dreaming?)

No one visits me now.
Old, cranky, broken
like the chair you sit in.
You look past the flaws
and pat my hand.
My heart beats for the first
time in years.
I am still not sure
why you chose me.

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6 thoughts on “Faraway Eyes

  1. I love the bit about the chair:
    “You sit next to me,
    comfortable in a broken chair.
    Your legs are pulled up tight.”

    All the most interesting girls sit with their legs pulled up. I know I do. : )

    The chair comparison really ties things up nicely at the end.

    “My heart beats for the first time in years.” … This is a really simple yet strong line. Who can’t relate to that?

    Bravo. I’ll be back for more!

  2. Ok, i like…this is def relatable fromthe standpoint of wondering why someone really loves you as we often see our own scars in great detail…a few thoughts

    You look at me with faraway eyes.
    It hurts me to look at you.
    Does it hurt you to look back?

    (i might reswizzle this to make is a call/response esp considering you roll into more questions…seperated they bear more weight…example…

    You look at me with faraway eyes.
    Does it hurt?

    It hurts me to look at you.)

    What do you think?
    What do you feel?

    You sit next to me, (cut You as you have many ‘you’s through this section and make it sitting)
    comfortable in a broken chair.
    Your legs are pulled up tight.
    I catch you looking at me
    from the corner of my eye.
    (or am I dreaming?)

    No one visits me now.
    Old, cranky, broken
    like the chair you sit in.
    You look past the flaws
    and pat my hand.
    My heart beats for the first
    time in years.
    I am still not sure
    why you chose me
    (might break this last stanza up just a bit for effect. overall an enjoyable piece)

    enjoy giving feedback to theone in front and back of you!

    • Thank you for the advice. I can see where I do use the word “you” too many times in that one section, well even in the whole thing. I can instantly see where this could be much better if I take some of them out. I will do that. I was just commenting on another poem and complimenting the author on not using so many words. Oh to follow our own advice. Thank you so much for the comment and the help.

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